We live in a world where sex is no longer something to be honored. You can see sex on your tv, on the street corner, on billboards, on your computers. It is everywhere. It is mundane. It is routine. It is uncommiting. What most of us don't realize though is that it is destructive. It is destroying the hearts of so many people. And that is where the tragedy really lies because sex that is shared between a husband wife in the holy bonds of marriage is life giving. It is beautiful. It is safe. It is fulfilling. It is a treasure that God created for the children He loves so dearly.
I am not going to pretend like I am an expert on this subject. I am not going to pretend like I have all the answers to fix what Satan has done to our society. All I can do is share my story and what I know to be true.
After I was raped, sex became a very distorted thing to me. It was dark and ugly. It was cruel and torturing. When a woman is sexually assaulted or abused, they generally choose one of two paths. They will either shield themselves from any man, becoming hard and guarded, or they will turn to men, to find comfort and control. Many people understand the first. It makes sense to them, so I won't be addressing that aspect too much. I will be addressing the second. These women are often times the more misunderstood, judged, and tortured souls. I was one of these women.
When I was attacked, something in me broke. My innocence and my security were stolen. Immediately, the enemy came in with his lies. He told me I was dirty and used. He told me I was a waste and would never be loved after that. What kind of man would ever want to be with a woman who was as disgusting as I was? And whose fault was this? It was T's fault. I believed every word of this. Not only did this distort my image of myself, but it put a vindictive hate in my heart for men. I vowed to never let a man have control over me again. I would never let a man be more powerful in a situation than myself. I would always decide my fate. In my numbness and hatred, I thought that if sex is what men wanted, that was where I could control them. It made me feel wanted and powerful at the same time. That is a dangerous combination for any woman who was as deeply wounded as I was. But this is the sad truth. This is what many woman, abused and not abused, see and think. What is heart breaking though, is that we actually think that we can have "meaningless" sex and walk away from it untouched. The truth is, God created sex to be something felt in our hearts and souls, and so we do... every single time. You can deny it. You can convince yourself it means nothing, but you are just lying and avoiding the inevitable pain to come.
I want to reach out to the girls and women out there who have bought into the enemy's lies. If you have ever felt that you are dirty, invaluable, and used. If you have ever thought that sex was your only way of connecting to a man. If you simply have never been taught that sex is wonderful because you have only seen the destruction it causes, then please listen to me, sisters. Let me show you the beauty God has redeemed in me and the way He sees you.
When God created the world, He started with the most basic of elements and moved His way up. Each day brought something more majestic and beautiful. The darkness and light were out shown by the land and sea. The plants were out done by the sun, moon, and stars. The animals were put to shame by Adam, but God was still not done. The most beautiful and most stunning of all His creations was Eve. You, daughter of God, are the crescendo of all creation. You are timeless and pure. God does not see the blemishes you think you posses. He sees the love of his life. He sees a woman whom He laid down his own life for. He sees something that words cannot describe. Your beauty is fit for a King.
This may be hard for some of you to believe. The devil would love for you to stay in his darkness. Your light is repulsive to him. He cannot stand your beauty because our beauty draws people to Jesus. We were created to show the gentleness, compassion, and glory of God. We were created to draw people in with our love, grace, and vulnerability. There is nothing I can say or do to make you believe this. But I beg you to ask the Lord to reveal what He sees in you.
- "She is more precious than jewels and nothing you can desire compares to her." Proverbs 3:15
- "The King is enthralled by your beauty." Pslam 45:11
- "You are altogether beautiful, my love. There is no flaw in you," Song of Solomon 4:7
- "Behold you are beautiful, my love. Behold, you are beautiful!" Song of Solomon 4:1
Sex is something that is so horribly distorted for girls and women today. It is something seen as unimportant, worthless, and meaningless. We are taught to disconnect from our hearts and feelings because they are weaknesses. They allow others to hurt us, or they cause people to see us as "too sensitive" or "too emotional." The problem is, it is impossible to truly disconnect your emotions from sex. God created sex to be shared between a husband and wife. Because of this, He created it to be emotional, safe, inviting, and nourishing to our souls. He created it to be beautiful and sacred. You cannot escape that part of sex. Satan has deceived society today into believing you can turn those things off. You can dress how you want, act how you want, and sleep with whoever you want with no consequences. It's fun. It's exciting. It's a lie. Sex outside the bonds of marriage is destructive.. It leaves a wake of pain and emptiness. People try to fill the empty feeling in their hearts with more sex. For a moment, they will feel desired and "loved," but they don't realize that it is only hollowing out the hole more and sending an echo of their pain through their hearts. It is an addictive, vicious cycle.
I have been celibate for over a year now. This is strange for someone my age in our world today. I hear many remarks about it. Why would you want to do that? What's the point after you've already had sex? Your life must be so boring. My answer is always the same... I do it because I finally see that I am worth it. When you finally are able to see yourself in Jesus's light, you see that you are worth the respect, love, and patience that waiting for sex requires. You are so precious. You are so valuable. You are so unique. You deserve the safety and comfort marriage brings to sex. You deserve to know that the man you are with desires you and you alone. His very being is made whole by you and you by him. You deserve the passion, intensity, and devotion love done God's way guarantees. Jesus is the only one who can fill that emptiness. He is the only one who knows the cure for your longing. Then that wholeness and fulfillment is translated into the love of your marriage. Only that love will keep you safe, protected, and full of life.
This is not a popular way of life. This is definitely not an easy way of life. But this is a fulfilling, safe, and heart-protecting way of life. The devil would have you believe that once you have slept with someone, this is a moot point, but it's not! When God healed my heart from all my pain, he made it as new. It is that new and whole heart that I am protecting for my husband. You, sister, have the same to protect. I am fighting everyday to bring something special to my husband. The day will come when I am able to open myself to him and give him the greatest gift. That day will be filled with love, hope, and safety. Sex is important. Sex is beautiful. Sex is special. Sex God's way is something worth waiting and fighting for. I will say again that I don't have all the answers, but I can tell you this... My heart is more full of love and meaning than ever before. My life is not boring. My life is exciting, and it is a journey I will be able to share with my husband as a whole and precious gift, just for him.
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