As I'm writing you this letter, I am sitting in my room at my parent's ranch. I am looking out my window at a beautiful green field with a canyon in the background. It's warm. It's bright and inviting. Out here, I am able to breathe. I am able to focus on Jesus and my dreams because there are no distractions here. When I am here, I think about my life a lot. I wonder who Kody will turn out to be. I dream about my career and the difference I will finally be able to make. I pray for my friends and my family. I also think, dream, and pray about you when I am here. Out here, I am able to connect to my heart in the silence. In that silence, I find the still place that makes me long for you.
I don't know what you are doing right now, but I think about it often because the decisions you are making now will affect the man you become. They will decide the kind of man I will spend my life with. You could be with your friends on an adventure half way across the world. You could be working on a project. You could be enjoying this beautiful Sunday afternoon outside at a park. You could simply be reading or in a quiet place just like me. I don't know if you are just a few minutes away from me or if you are hundreds of miles away. You may be a charismatic leader who people respect and follow easily. You could be a humble man who people are drawn to because of your easy spirit. You may be shy, brave, silly, serious, or a unique mix of them all. I don't have any idea who you will turn out to be. I do know, however, that you will be my perfect mate. You will be the man that God knows we both need you to be.
When I think about finally meeting you, an emotion fills my soul. It is not just happiness. It is not just excitement. It is something more. It is like my heart is coming alive. It is a feeling of fulfillment, a future, and safety. When I think about you, so much more than just falling in love with you comes to mind. I think about the father that you will be to Kody. You will have to be a special man because Kody is already such a special boy. He has a need in his life of a Godly father who will teach him what it means to be a man in a world where true boldness is criticized. You will not only be his father, but his best friend. That relationship will warm my heart. I think about the future we will get to build together. Sometimes this makes me nervous. Will we live in a big city or a small town? Will be have more children? Will I be able to balance my career with my family? And then, I just stop. I remember that none of that is really up to me. It is solely up to Jesus and the direction he takes our lives. I won't have to make these decisions by myself because I will have you to go to God with in prayer. I can't wait to have you as my teammate.
I want to apologize to you. I am sorry for not thinking about you for most of the last 25 years. I have made decisions and acted in ways that never considered how it would affect you in the future. I have been selfish. I have given of myself freely to men who did not deserve me. I have not protected my heart as the treasure for you that it truly is. I have not always gone to the Lord to fill the loneliness in my life. I often times listened to the world when I should have listened to Jesus. I have not seen myself as the sacred beauty that God created me to be for you. I am so sorry. Even before I meet you, I want to ask for your forgiveness. And in that forgiveness, I want to make you a promise. I vow to respect you and our future. I promise to save every piece of my heart and spirit for you. I will protect my body and my heart for you and you alone. I know this will be hard. This will be criticized by many and definitely not seen as the popular choice, but it is the right choice. It is what you and I both deserve. Jesus will forever be my place of comfort and love. I will fill that loneliness in my heart with His spirit until you come along and take it away in the way that only you can. I will go to Jesus daily so that He can continue to soften and mold me into the woman I need to be for you.
My love, wait for me. In a world that mocks patience and doing things the Lord's way, wait for me. Until it is God's perfect time for us to meet, continue to follow Him. Continue to let Jesus shape your heart and character. Grow into the fullness of all He has planned for you. Chase after all that brings you joy. Find the passion that God planted in your heart and pursue it with your whole heart. It is that passion that I will find so attractive. I can't wait to see your eyes light up when you talk about your dreams the Lord has given you. Surround yourself with Godly men who will encourage your walk with Jesus. Find those friends who will pray with you in the lonely times and hold you accountable while we wait for each other. Keep those men close who will pray for our relationship and push us to be stronger in the Lord together. Promise me that you will protect your heart so that I will be able to live openly and vulnerably in it. Wherever you are, whoever you are... wait for me.
I pray for you every day. I pray that you are a bold man of faith. I pray that you encounter Jesus on a daily basis and bask in the comfort of His love for you. I pray that you will continue to have patience for me as Jesus is still working on me. I pray for your heart not only as a husband but as a father. I always pray that the Lord would already be preparing your heart for the special kind of love it requires to love as a parent. I pray that you are consistent because that will translate into safety in our marriage. I pray that you are living a full and wonderful life. You never leave my prayers. You never leave my thoughts. You never leave my heart.
When we finally meet, I know that it won't always be easy. I know we will have wonderful times of victories and crushing times of defeats. We will not always know what the right thing is to do. We will not always be the perfect parents. I will not always be the perfect wife. I will forget to wash the clothes or burn the dinner. I will frustrate you and push your buttons. But I will also always love you. I will be your rock and safe place. I will be a good woman in our storms. I will pursue you every day for the rest of our lives. I will always flirt with you and make sure you know you are enough. I will respect and honor you as the leader of our home. I will go to Jesus daily for my strength and joy so that I may freely translate that into our marriage. Do the same for me. Continue to romance me. Write me love letters. When we are old and gray, date me like we are teenagers again. I have no idea what the journey looks like that God has prepared for us. What I do know, is that it is good. It is full of hope, love, and joy.
There are days when my heart longs for you so badly it hurts. I am so ready to be your wife. I am ready to love you with all that I am. I am ready to serve you and honor you. I am ready grow into the perfect version of me that only your love will reveal. I am ready to be fiercely devoted to you. I am ready for our family. I am ready for our home. Until God decides that day is here, know that I am waiting for you. When you are having a bad day, someone is already praying for you. When you are feeling alone, someone is already loving you.
I long for you. I will continue to pray with you and for you. I love you.
Till we meet,
Your Future Wife
No comments:
Post a Comment